They Fell on Him and Then Disappeard Again

Photo Credit: Christie Graham Photography

"I haven't heard from him in a week. What does this hateful?"

I've heard this from at to the lowest degree ii of my female friends in the by month. I tin can't help but join them in racking my encephalon for possible reasons. Sick grandmother? Hit by a car a la An Matter To Recall? Kidnapped??

Of class we desire to imagine the worst because the alternative—that he's just pulling the age-old fox of avoiding you—isn't exactly pleasant. When a guy nosotros've been talking to regularly suddenly pulls a Houdini, it can make us feel equally though we've gone a bit insane. In this Age of The Smartphone, when a bulletin can be sent with barely any effort, it's an especially confusing sign.

I tin sympathize. An ex-boyfriend and I had been dating a twelvemonth when he decided to but non show whatsoever signs of life for an entire calendar week. No calls, no texts, no emails, no letters, not even smoke signals. Wanting to play it cool, I insisted to myself that I didn't care and that I needed space anyway. But as every hr and twenty-four hour period passed, I became more and more restless. I obsessively checked my telephone for a reply until I anxiously told my roommate to hide it from me, lest I notice myself feverishly texting him things I'd regret.

Needless to say, it did not become well when he showed up at our apartment a day later asking me if I had any food he could eat. He said he'd been "incredibly busy" and proceeded to ask, "I thought you wanted to have it tiresome?" and "Are you lot seriously out of staff of life?" (Don't worry, we didn't appointment much longer after that.)

Admittedly, this situation occurs less oftentimes in long-term committed relationships. More frequently it happens in the early stages, when one date turns into another, and and then that date turns into another and and so, radio silence—the dates cease. Or he's that "friend" who'due south ever on the fringe, pulling yous shut periodically and then poof-ing into thin air, again. And even though deep down nosotros know it does non bode well for a long, happy relationship and therefore should be thankful it's over, we frequently cannot help only wonder: What the eff happened?

Then, instead of ruminating on why men autumn off the face of the earth, I went alee and asked ten guys to illuminate united states as to what is happening on their side of the disappearing act—so you don't have to keep guessing. From fiscal advisers to engineers to professors, there was a surprising corporeality of consistency in their answers. During the interviews, I found that an overwhelming majority of men have done this; if they haven't, they have friends who have. While no answer was exactly the same, I uncovered iii recurring themes that explain why guys disappeared on girls they had been seeing. Here are the answers I should take given my friends when they asked me why—and the pep talk to proceed with them.

01. Conflict avoidance.

"Yes, I have [disappeared]. We'd exist dating for a few weeks, and she was trying to movement way too fast for my condolement. Despite talking to her about information technology, she didn't have a hint. Not a proud moment for me." - Volition, 29, engineer

Most people dread uncomfortable confrontation and do everything to avert information technology. How many of us don't return his calls in the hopes that he'll get the hint? As frustrating and abrasive as this may exist, at least we can understand the temptation. This detail reason for disappearance is specially hard to consume, though, as it piques more questions. I mean, what if you lot could have worked it out? What exactly went wrong? You want closure! In these cases, just remind yourself that if this kind of avoidance is typical for him, he'southward probably not a man you desire to exist in a relationship with anyway.

02. Another girl.

"I've as well dropped out of nowhere before considering I was dating a few girls at once, and 1 relationship accelerated much faster than the others . . ." - Giovanni, 26, tech operations

Information technology's difficult to admit, only when you are just starting to date and have no commitments, the guy might be taking other girls on dates—and that doesn't necessarily make him a thespian. It stinks, but if you accept been on a couple dates with a guy, and you don't hear from him again, it's fair to assume that yous might non be the only i.

Would it have been nicer for him to tell you lot that you are lovely, but he has met someone else? Maybe, just salve your mental energy for a guy who doesn't desire to let you get away.

03. Disinterest or laziness.

"I used to abruptly stop communication in higher. In 1 instance, later a few dates I actually did break my phone, but had I been really interested, I wouldn't have let that terminate me from talking to her. I know how to use the Cyberspace. Had this happened when I was dating the woman I've ended up marrying, at that place'due south no fashion I would allow a broken phone go far my mode." - Mike, thirty, designer

Sigh. I might not be the biggest fan of He's Just Not That into Y'all, simply this is a prime number example of when its logic works. But why? Why isn't he into me? I know there was something there! I'g not questioning your feminine intuition; there probably was something there, and you probably did accept a groovy fourth dimension—but he is only not interested enough. There's a deviation betwixt activity and attraction, and it may take less to practice with you lot and more than to do with him. Wait on the bright side—at to the lowest degree he dropped off the face of the globe quickly and didn't waste your time with a agglomeration of "not interested plenty" bull honky.

While disappearing may not be the virtually manly way to tell u.s. what's going on, guys do it considering they don't see yous every bit a priority in their life. Ouch . Now, earlier we allow that sting, consider this: Many of them described that they disappeared with no explanation when they were younger, and many regret the way they handled it. "Have I ever gone MIA on a daughter? Yes, but not since I grew up, stopped existence a coward, and started taking dating seriously. This sort of behavior belongs only to the young . . . [who are] much more suited to taking naps than making vows," confesses Jason (thirty, professor). "You will know information technology if a man really cares for you. If yous're always questioning if he does, so he doesn't."

If a homo you're interested in falls off the face of the globe, no one would blame you for wanting an caption—and depending on how long you've been dating, you may indeed deserve one. Nonetheless, you may find more than peace in deciding it's i of the reasons in a higher place and moving on.

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Source: https://verilymag.com/2015/05/what-to-think-when-a-guy-falls-off-the-face-of-the-earth

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